He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
