I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
