So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
