he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I could make wine with my vomit
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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