I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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