I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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