i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize