I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
