it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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