think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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