Four minutes until I can fart!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
