Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
