I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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