my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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