you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
