I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
