I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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