I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i think i have two assholes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
