About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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