update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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