So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
