i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
