He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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