It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize