everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
