i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
