You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize