North Korea, Best Korea!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Welp...herpes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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