a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
