i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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