My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
