its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
