You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
