upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
