do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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