I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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