I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
