We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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