I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Acid is not a monday night drug
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
