Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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