I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we're making bets on your personal life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
