The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
