Your mouth is God's brothel.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
