he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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