idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
