Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
