Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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