nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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