My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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