You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
