Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
