this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
