She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The best revenge is premature balding
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
