I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
