Please, let me fuck your mom
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
