to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
