i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize