i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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