Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
