We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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