I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
