Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize