I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish i was in the wii world.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
