Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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