guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
