I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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