C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
