so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
