she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
