i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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