its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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