So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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