If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
